Hello Reader, My book, The Zero-Sum Illusion is out as an ebook now! It is a strange thing to write a book for years and then wake up on the morning it goes into the world. Everything shifts on the inside, because the thing you have been carrying is no longer only yours. Today the book is out. And I wanted you, the people who have been reading this newsletter along the way, to be among the first to hear it from me directly. We have been treating the world as a place where for one person to...
24 days ago • 2 min read
Hello Reader, There is a specific person in your life right now who has been quietly acquiring, in your mind, a file. It could be a colleague, a family member, a client, or a friend who has begun to frustrate you. That file contains evidence you have accumulated about who they are, why they keep doing the frustrating thing, and what they will do next. You did not consciously decide to keep this file. You are barely aware you are keeping it. But it is currently shaping your relationship with...
about 1 month ago • 4 min read
Almost every meaningful relationship in your life is being quietly shaped by the things you meant to say and didn't. It’s not one big withheld truth but a slow accumulation of small ones. The thing you were going to raise and then didn't, the message you drafted and never sent, the moment you decided to let something pass rather than name it. Each individual choice felt reasonable. Perhaps the timing was wrong, or they were stressed, or you weren't sure how it would land. But the choices...
about 1 month ago • 4 min read
Hello Reader, If today's LinkedIn post landed anywhere for you, you're now sitting with a specific conversation and a slightly uncomfortable realisation: you've been preparing to speak into a room you haven't yet seen. I want to walk through what to do about that. Why we default to speaking-first (and why it doesn't work) Almost every model we've been given for difficult conversations puts speaking at the centre. How to open. What to say. How to phrase it. How to be assertive without being...
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
Hello Reader, If today's LinkedIn post landed anywhere for you, you're now sitting with something uncomfortable: a specific conversation you've been postponing, and the realisation that the part of you deciding you're not ready may never sign off on it. I want to walk through what's actually happening, and what to do instead. Two egos, competing There are two versions of the self running most of us and the difference between them determines whether we have the conversations that matter or...
2 months ago • 3 min read
Hello Reader, There is a conversation currently consuming your mental bandwidth. You know the one. You’ve replayed it a dozen times, crafting the perfect reply that will never be delivered. It feels like you’re resolving something, but you're just feeding the loop. If you've been reading my writing, you've probably heard me say some version of this before: the loop isn't a bug. It's a signal that your brain is telling you something about the original conversation that hasn't been fully...
2 months ago • 3 min read
Hello Reader, I want to share something small with you today. Sometime today, you'll have conversations with people you know whether it’s colleagues, friends, or family. Most of those conversations will follow the usual scripts. “How are you?” “Good, you.” “Yeah, busy.” The scripts are efficient but they're also where most of what people are actually carrying stays hidden. However, there's one question I've found, over many years of being in difficult rooms, that breaks through the scripts...
3 months ago • 1 min read
Hello Reader, Today, I am sharing a short visual post on LinkedIn entitled "The 3 Stories Your Brain Writes (before the other person has even finished what they were saying)." You can find it here if you're not already following me on LinkedIn. It breaks down the three automatic, defensive scripts our minds instantly generate the moment a conversation becomes difficult or tense: Story #1: They meant it badly. (Assuming a neutral comment or pause is a deliberate challenge) Story #2: This is...
3 months ago • 2 min read
Hello Reader, Perhaps you’ve been in this moment where someone says something, and before you've thought anything through, you're already responding. What you don't see, in that compressed slice of time between the words and your reply, is the most important decision being made on your behalf, by your own brain, beneath the surface of conscious thought. Instinctively you're deciding what the words meant. Whether the person is for you or against you. Whether what's required is defence,...
3 months ago • 1 min read